Blog
Lucy in a kitten wig
Blog
My kitten and I had a huge argument today. Except: it wasn’t actually her, it was my brain weasel Lucy, disguised as her – and the whole thing happened inside my head.
The Long Dark
Blog
It’s this time of year again, where it feels like it simply doesn’t get light at all. If I don’t set an alarm, I find myself sleeping 10 hours a night, and even then, I move around in a fog.
Happy Boxing Day!
Blog
Or, as we call it in the Netherlands, the second day of Christmas. Over here it’s often the day you spend with family that lost out on Christmas Day, settling in for a second big dinner, while still groaning from all you at the night before.
The Bodycount Riddle
Blog
Slowly you approach the Sphinx. It was a long journey, but the famed treasure is almost yours. All you need to do now, is answer the riddle.
The Art of Doing Nothing
Blog
As some of you may know, I’m a pretty devoted Bullet Journal user. It’s one of the few ADHD methods that really works for me, and I’ve been consistently using a Bullet Journal for close to 4 years now. That’s longer than pretty much any habit I’ve formed, except for morning coffee.
Book talk: the day after Halloween
Blog
I’d told myself that I’d give my book a fair shot by marketing it until Halloween. After that, I’d take a break. It’s been 2 months since I released the book, time to look back and reflect a bit.
So, I’m probably heterosexual, but definitely not straight.
Blog
Wait, what? Isn’t that the same? No, I’d like to argue that it isn’t.
My first guest blog: Cold Stone
Blog
Less of a post, than an announcement: I wrote my first guest blog!
Emotional Bleed
Blog
This week has been amazing and awful at the same time. Last weekend, my kitten tested positive for Covid. Since we’d seen each other a lot in the days before, chances were I’d caught it too, so I decided to stay with her for the week. The reasoning was two-fold: I didn’t want her to be home sick by herself, but also I didn’t want to risk making my nesting partner sick as well.
That moment of perfect compersion
Blog
I’ve written a lot about my fear and insecurities in connection with poly, so today, let me write about a moment of happiness and beauty.
That one time in the elevator
Blog
When I was in my late 20s, my partner and I visited Yaoicon in San Francisco. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s a form of manga dealing with romance and sex between men, aimed mostly at women.
So I wrote a book… but now the real work starts.
Blog
No, I’m not talking about promoting it. I’m talking about the emotional labour ahead.
Running low on happy juice
Blog
I can feel it. Suddenly, I have a deep urge yo flirt with people, to post nudes, anything to get a boost.
When enthusiasm turns to dread
Blog
My break from work has been amazing so far. I haven’t been bored for a second yet, and I’m starting to feel inspired and full of ideas again… and that’s exactly the problem.
Telling yourself the Story
Blog
A while ago I wrote about how, the moment I started to take my writing seriously, I froze. Perfectionism hit, and it left me caught like a rabbit in the headlights, unable to progress.
The Other Side of Fear
Blog
I was watching American Horror Story, and oh boy… did that make me uncomfortable.
The Stick-shift Analogy
Blog
Where I talk about how trying to follow the neurotypical manual will lead to worse outcomes for neurodivergent humans.
Apparently I’m a demi slut
Blog
I no longer feel like I’m constantly failing
Blog
I had a free Saturday today, after a fun but busy munch last night. So, since I didn’t have any specific plans, and I didn’t feel like doing anything too mentally taxing, I decided to go for a hike.
The Toxic Phrase
Blog
I promised I’d share some of the things I’ve learned during therapy, so here goes. All the usual disclaimers apply: I’m not a psychologist, so feel free to correct me if I’m explaining this wrong.
The benefit of the doubt
Blog
I got a comment today that hit me pretty hard emotionally. By the phrasing it used it felt to me like I was being accused of acting in bad faith.
The joy of Stuffies
Blog
It’s been a few weeks since I “graduated” my first series of therapy sessions. I’ll probably be going back later, but for now I’ll try to apply what I have learned.
Dealing with my internalised classism.
Blog
A while ago I was called out in the comments on one of my writings about a classist comment I made. I took a few minutes to process before responding and had to admit that the commenter was in fact completely right. I had (and still have) a ton of internalised classism.
Some resources about transphobia and ‘social contagion’
Blog
Not too long ago a mainstream newspaper in the Netherlands (Volkskrant) did some reporting about de-transitioning and the change in who was looking for gender-affirming treatment. It talked about how originally the majority had been AMAB and now the number of AFAB persons had risen. It also raised concerns about the mental health of these people.
Punching Up versus Punching Down
Blog
So. Have you ever listened to a Black comedian say pretty insulting stuff about white people and thought: “How is this OK? If a white guy said the same things about black people there would be hell to pay!”
The fear of not being exceptional
Blog
So, another entry in our long-running series “Things that scare Ash”. I’ll probably be writing a bunch more of them, feel free to skip.
Dropping the masks
Blog
Note: this is a bit long and rambling, just a bunch of thoughts I’ve been having.
The ghosts that live in our heads
Blog
I don’t want to be rewarded with sex
Blog
Something that has been stuck in my mind for a while now. My formative years were the 90s and I was very much brought up with the idea that as a guy, you had to earn a girl’s attention.
Another Little Step
Blog
What drew me to D/s? Fear of rejection
Blog
My experiences getting a vasectomy
Blog
A few days ago there was talk about vasectomies again on my timeline, partially because of recent developments on US abortion law. I mentioned that I had meant to write about my experiences, so here goes.
Be Brave
Blog
In my list of recent insights, I included “Be Brave”. This one has special meaning to me.
Things I wished I knew a decade ago
Blog
I don’t love any men
Blog
So yeah, showerthoughts they call it. That moment when you just let your brain run where it will and a realisation hits you like a ton of bricks.
I asked about my consent violations…
Blog
… and I’d like to share my experiences.
The Dark Side of Daddy
Blog
Toxic stoicism
Blog
On my Fetlife timeline today there was a post by a woman asking for help with a troublesome new partner of her ex.
Lucy
Blog
Fear is the mind-killer (Left behind pt 2)
Blog
Feeling left behind
Blog
I don’t get to opt out
Blog
A little while ago I was on a very lovely first date with some really nice conversation (some really lovely messing around too, but that’s a story for another day!). During the conversation I said something along the lines of “Pretty much all my friends are queer, and I’m the odd hetero out. Some times I wish I could just become honorary queer and distance myself from all the toxic BS going on with lots of cishet men.”
The Joy of (n)orgasms
Blog
Full Disclosure
Blog
We have had this rule, ever since we started. It was mostly a result of both of us dealing with exes who would mangle the truth, hide things or flat-out lie. The rule is very simple: say what is on your mind. Or as we like to more aptly call it:
Hurting yourself the sporty way
Blog
I hurt myself today, to know that I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real
Fiction
I should have stayed dead
Fiction
I understand why she did it. I cannot blame her, she acted out of love. But what she did to me was unforgivable. She condemned me to this fate, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
Close Your Eyes
Fiction
I sat there, in the waiting room, biting my nails. I hadn’t done that since I was little, but the nerves were getting to me. This deeply alien feeling of being disconnected. A fucking Ludd, except involuntary.
Clippy
Fiction
My mom called me today to ask how I was doing. It was so good to hear her voice, to talk about how my day went.
The Murder Machine
Fiction, Horror
The Protector in the Tree
Fiction, Horror
Pumped up kicks
Fiction, Horror
The Chair
Erotica, Fiction
Erotica
The kitten and the Cock: A love story
Erotica
That first load
Erotica
Her scent
Erotica
The Chair
Erotica, Fiction
Horror
The Murder Machine
Fiction, Horror
The Protector in the Tree
Fiction, Horror
Pumped up kicks
Fiction, Horror
Humor
On the proper care and feeding of Fucktoys
Humor
Aboard the USS Ashford…
Humor
I’d like to take you along with me with what goes on in my head on a typical morning run.
Neurodiversity
Terminologie: cisgender en neurotypisch (Dutch)
Neurodiversity
Ik zie best veel posts langs komen de afgelopen tijd over termen als cisgender waarbij ook mensen die ik normaal gesproken best hoog heb zitten zich afvragen waar al die terminologie over gaat en waar het voor nodig is.
On Shaming
Neurodiversity
So, there has been a lot of talk going on again on fat/fit shaming… time for me to break out my favourite technique: the analogy.