Dealing with my internalised classism.

A while ago I was called out in the comments on one of my writings about a classist comment I made. I took a few minutes to process before responding and had to admit that the commenter was in fact completely right. I had (and still have) a ton of internalised classism.

Some resources about transphobia and ‘social contagion’

Not too long ago a mainstream newspaper in the Netherlands (Volkskrant) did some reporting about de-transitioning and the change in who was looking for gender-affirming treatment. It talked about how originally the majority had been AMAB and now the number of AFAB persons had risen. It also raised concerns about the mental health of these people.

Punching Up versus Punching Down

So. Have you ever listened to a Black comedian say pretty insulting stuff about white people and thought: “How is this OK? If a white guy said the same things about black people there would be hell to pay!”

The fear of not being exceptional

So, another entry in our long-running series “Things that scare Ash”. I’ll probably be writing a bunch more of them, feel free to skip.

Dropping the masks

Note: this is a bit long and rambling, just a bunch of thoughts I’ve been having.

I don’t want to be rewarded with sex

Something that has been stuck in my mind for a while now. My formative years were the 90s and I was very much brought up with the idea that as a guy, you had to earn a girl’s attention.

Another Little Step

Last night’s party was amazing. I got to do some very lovely public play, and my kitten and I ended up having some lovely sexy times with friends on a couch.

What drew me to D/s? Fear of rejection

One of the aspects of ADHD I wish I had known about earlier is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD for short. Basically it means that rejection hits us like a ton of bricks, and in my case can trigger major anxiety.

My experiences getting a vasectomy

A few days ago there was talk about vasectomies again on my timeline, partially because of recent developments on US abortion law. I mentioned that I had meant to write about my experiences, so here goes.

Be Brave

In my list of recent insights, I included “Be Brave”. This one has special meaning to me.

Things I wished I knew a decade ago

I’m feeling a bit under the weather with the flu, and with my body unable to do much my mind set to wandering. It revisited a question a friend asked me recently:

I don’t love any men

So yeah, showerthoughts they call it. That moment when you just let your brain run where it will and a realisation hits you like a ton of bricks.

The Dark Side of Daddy

It took me years to come to terms with the word “Daddy”. It felt weird and incestuous to me, and for a long time I described myself as a nurturing dominant instead.

Toxic stoicism

On my Fetlife timeline today there was a post by a woman asking for help with a troublesome new partner of her ex.


I’m struggling again.

I don’t get to opt out

A little while ago I was on a very lovely first date with some really nice conversation (some really lovely messing around too, but that’s a story for another day!). During the conversation I said something along the lines of “Pretty much all my friends are queer, and I’m the odd hetero out. Some times I wish I could just become honorary queer and distance myself from all the toxic BS going on with lots of cishet men.”

The Joy of (n)orgasms

This writing has been brewing in my head for 2 days now but it hasn’t really solidified yet. I’ve decided to write it anyway, so apologies if it seems to ramble or not go anywhere.

Full Disclosure

We have had this rule, ever since we started. It was mostly a result of both of us dealing with exes who would mangle the truth, hide things or flat-out lie. The rule is very simple: say what is on your mind. Or as we like to more aptly call it:

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The kitten and the Cock: A love story

She traces kisses down my chest and abdomen while she looks into my eyes and smiles at me. I shiver in anticipation, knowing what’s coming, how good her mouth and tongue feel.

That first load

It’s been 4 days since my vasectomy, so it’s also been 4 days since I have cum. I’m not used to that, I hardly ever go more than 2 days without orgasming.

Her scent

Her scent is intoxicating to me. I breathe it in deeply on that first hug, as she whispers in my ear “I’ve missed you daddy”. I want to tell her that I’ve missed her too, that the week was long and I’ve missed the way her skin feels under my touch. I want to say that I love her and that I’m happy to be together again.

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Aboard the USS Ashford…

I’d like to take you along with me with what goes on in my head on a typical morning run.

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Terminologie: cisgender en neurotypisch (Dutch)

Ik zie best veel posts langs komen de afgelopen tijd over termen als cisgender waarbij ook mensen die ik normaal gesproken best hoog heb zitten zich afvragen waar al die terminologie over gaat en waar het voor nodig is.

On Shaming

So, there has been a lot of talk going on again on fat/fit shaming… time for me to break out my favourite technique: the analogy.

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